Alone in the dark..

To feel absolutely nothing is a very strange thing. I normally am petrified to even set foot on my back porch most nights because it is pitch dark and I hate the dark I am terrified of the dark. I keep testing myself. I keep teasing my fears and nothing is happening. I walked step by step slowly and calmly without a sound down the steps into my back yard, barefoot through the grass and made it to the lake where I stopped. The water is the only thing I could see. Just reflections. I didn’t feel a thing. No adrenaline. No fear. No curiosity. No awe. No anything. Nothing. Just nothing. It’s like I’m trying to coax it up. Like I’m subconsciously trying to lure it out. And nothing. is. there. to. find.